*
The baby.
Mason still could not bring himself to even touch it, aw hell, him. He was a boy. Just as Mason’d feared. A boy without a mother. How on earth was Mason going to deal with him?
He had not seen Mary in his dreams for a long time. She did not answer him any more. But one night, when he managed not to drink and lay there thinking of Matthew and how, oh how he could stop hating him, and fearing him, Mary did come.
She shook her head. “What are you doing to yourself, Mason?”
“Mary!” He rose on his elbow. “Oh Mary. What have you done?!”
“What have I done, Mason?”
“How could you leave me with this… with…” he did not know how to phrase it. Words failed him, which happened very seldom.
Mary shrugged her shoulders. “My time was up. His time just started. Your life is going on. All is simple.”
“Mary?” Mason shook his head. “It may be simple for you; whereas in this world-- Tell me. How can I accept him? After what he put you through? After what his life cost me?”
“He is not to blame, Mason,” Mary said. “He’s our flesh and blood. He’s the one that has me in him, and you, and he’s got a personality which is neither me nor you – isn’t it a wonder?”
Mason’s eyes misted over with tears.
“Mary, are you sure now he’s mine?” he whispered. “You must know for sure now, Mary, can you tell me just once again – is he really a part of you combined with a part of me with a soul of his own, Mary, is he?”
But she was gone already.
Mason sighed. He needed to learn so many things. He did not feel he’d be able to live up to any decent standard of a father.

*
It was not right to imagine Matt Capwell was a baby no one wanted. Julia was told CC was quite proud of his grandson and visited often. Even if Mason did not change his mind, Matt would not be left in hospital or sent to an orphanage. But Julia started considering adoption instead of giving birth to her own child.
“Why,” she argued with herself, “there’re so many babies already born, and no one loves them! They are so trustful, so miserable, and the world’s so cruel to them!”
The world was cruel to babies all right; it was cruel to grown-ups, too.
She felt very lonely the night before the admission. Pearl had gone seeking for Kelly, on CC’s errand or of his own will, Julia was not sure which. Cruz and Brick were too busy. They did not even know she wanted a baby, let alone the surgery. It was too personal an issue to share it with a male friend, anyway, and Julia had almost no girlfriends. Eden was currently away, Augusta – God knows where she was. The only person she could really talk to was Lionel.
“Hey,” she said. “I’m jelly.”
“Is it my unbending heroine speaking?” he teased. “Remember the value of positive thinking?”
“Can’t get Mary off my mind,” she confessed.
Lionel frowned.
“Julia, you know it’s not the way to think before such a responsible act. Mary is Mary, and you’re quite different. And you’re not in labor yet. Come on, it’ll be all right!”
She sighed. “If only you were right!”
Julia had the surgery scheduled on Christmas Eve. She really had no family to share the holiday with – as to Lionel, she had to finally let him enjoy a bit of his life, too! And after Christmas Bill Merrick had to leave for a business trip, so why postpone it?
She checked in the hospital, got up to her assigned ward, unpacked her bag, fished out a novel and lay on the bed waiting for Bill and for the anesthetist. It was hard to keep her thoughts on the book, though. She was so afraid something would go wrong! No, actually, it was not that the anesthetic wouldn’t work or she would have trouble waking up. What Julia really feared was that they’d tell her she was unable to conceive. She knew she’d have to give up on her idea. Maybe she would adopt a baby then; but would they let her adopt if she was single?
After the anesthetist asked her all kinds of questions, and after Dr. Merrick assured her it’d be all right, Julia once again was left to her own devices. As it was Christmas Eve, everyone was hurrying home; there was hardly another patient on the floor to chat with. And no one would even visit her here; Lionel’d come tomorrow, maybe with his mother, and that was all. If she was dead no one would notice – not right away…
Julia felt tears coming up. She fought them back. She despised herself – just how weak-willed and self-indulgent was she! The pride was to be abased; she must relax and just let it happen the way God destined it to be.
She couldn’t stop crying.
Julia got up and decided to stroll along the corridors. They were almost empty; nothing interesting. Her legs brought her to the infants’: well, surprise, surprise.
She could not walk in, though. The ward where the problem babies were kept was full of parents cooing over the cradles. She had no right to be there; she would not be let in. And if there was a tiny infant who’d be lonelier than she, this first Christmas of his, - well, Mason was right, it was no business of hers, she could not help.
“Julia.”
The voice made her jump.
“MASON!”
Of all people!
He was leaning against the wall. Obviously drunk. With the famous silver flask in his hand, too.
Julia was nonplussed. Now he’d seen her in her hospital gown! What should she tell him if he asked…?
“What are you doing here?” he asked, in a surprisingly clear and distinct voice.
“Now, what are y o u doing here?” she snapped back. “Came to share a toast or two with Matt on Christmas Eve, eh? Short of boon companions?”
“And if it’s so, what of it? Wasn’t it you who’d gone out of her way to convince me Matthew is the only remainder of Mary – I mean remnant – residue—”
“Vestige,” Julia prompted. “This is how you see him. Great.”
“And you’ve changed into this uniform to kidnap him, I should think.”
“Wouldn’t be too bad. To kidnap the baby from such a parent.”
“Noooo, Julia,” Mason drawled. “He’s not yours!”
Julia shook her head, glad they had left the dangerous topic. “No, Mason, he is not mine.”
But her joy was short-lived.
“What are you doing here?” Mason asked. And if she knew him, he’d go on asking until he got an answer.
“What’s a woman doing in hospital?” she answered to gain time.
“And on Christmas Eve, too.”
“…and on Christmas Eve, too?”
“In a hospital gown.” Mason pointed, lest there should be a mistake as to what gown he was speaking about.
“Ok, you can work that out for yourself. Anybody home?”
“You’re getting some treatment,” Mason concluded.
“Bravissimo. Mind if we close the topic?”
“What are you doing in this ward?”
He was nothing if he was easy to put off.
“Have you visited Matt yet?” she ventured.
“Not yet. What are you doing in this ward?”
“I’ve come from another floor, to visit Matt! To have a look at the infants! That is if it’s not obvious enough, Sherlock!” Julia felt she was losing it. She had been on the verge of crying before, and this merciless questioning was only making it worse.
“From which floor?” Mason asked.
Enraged, Julia hissed, “Don’t you think it’s an invasion of my privacy already?”
Mason chuckled. She had not heard him chuckle for a long, long while; but this was not a merry chuckle either.
“Haven’t YOU gotten in the middle of my privacy all of a sudden, Counsellor?”
Julia was breathing heavily.
“Are you saying I am never to come near your child again? Ok, Mason, it’s your baby. Only yours.” She inhaled sharply. “And if you do not care what he will be like, and if he will be happy, – oh I think you wish everybody was as unhappy as you’re now, and you’ll be quite content if you can spoil the very first Christmas for a helpless, miserable little creature like Matt. Go ahead. He’s yours. I can’t stop you! Who am I!”
He was staring, amazed at her frenzy.
“What. Did. You. Want. With. Matthew,” he said separately and slowly.
“I wanted to hold him. Bill said they allowed holding him now. I wanted to hug him! Here! I wanted to tell him he was not alone! Because I knew no one else would do that for him! His first Christmas!”
Tears spurted from her eyes. Mason tore himself from the wall. The flask disappeared in the inner pocket of his jacket.
“Come on. Let’s walk in together,” he said suddenly. “You will hold him. I don’t dare, not yet. Couldn’t bring myself to enter there. I could… I could touch him, first, when you’re holding him. His hand, maybe.”
Julia gaped at Mason.

/Olga Lissenkova/

MAIN
To the list of pages available in English
Previous Chapter (4)
NEXT CHAPTER (6)
My e-mail