She only needed to know where she stood with Mason, Julia told herself. She would not be just a friend if she had any say in the matter. She could resign herself to it no longer, that was not good enough any more.
But Mason, he looked so genuinely shocked. Julia all shriveled up.

Mason had known what he would hear the moment before Julia actually sounded it, but still, the turn was quite unexpected and stunning.

“Ah, Julia,” he said, playing for time. “You just can’t sit tight, or go with the tide, can you. If you can’t rush away you need to hang a U-turn and rush in the opposite direction, regardless?”

She was trembling, and her voice was trembling, too, as she spoke, “Any other shrewd and – profound – observation to make, Mason?”

“Julia.” He tried to sound as reasonable as could be, under the circumstances. “I just don’t think you’re really sure – or ready – to…”

“Don’t!” she cried, raising her hands in an attempt at self-defense. “Don’t oh please, don’t!”

He shut up. Julia was gasping for breath.

“I asked you to stay – you think that was easy for me? You think I’m easy? – Just what do you think me to be? – Can’t you see – I need it, just how much I need it?” These last phrases came out like sobs.

Mason still believed he was doing the right thing, but he saw he was hurting her, and he could not stand the thought. He got up, came up to Julia, framed her face with his hands and made her look at him.

“Julia,” he said tenderly and sincerely. “I want you. I just care for you more than that. – But I'm warning you: if I don’t go immediately, it will happen.”

Julia scrutinized his face, longing to be reassured. What she saw made her believe Mason.

“Oh,” she said then, having overcome a painful spasm in the throat. “Please stay then. I need you.”

He kissed her fondly. “I must phone Mrs. Parker.”

*
Julia embraced her shoulders to stop the tremor and sat down. She was scared but she was sure: it felt just right.

She had been so lonely, without a lover for about a year, and without real love all her life. And here he finally was, the man she loved.

If he could not love her in return, well he could at least hold her, if for one night. Julia realized it was very different from what she had been telling herself this last year – but tonight, in her eternal heart vs. mind conflict the victory was the heart’s.

And she knew by now Mason would be a gentle, sensitive and caring lover.

It suddenly dawned upon Julia that most probably it would be the first time Mason’d be intimate with anyone after he’d lost Mary. He could not live in celibate for the rest of his life; but wouldn’t it still feel like breaking the last link he’d had with his wife? Julia feared it would be hard for Mason to forgive her afterwards, if that was so.

But there seemed no way out. She needed it, and judging by his look, when he hung up the phone and turned to her, he did, too.


* * *

*

*

The bed was a bit too narrow for two, so they couldn’t but stay in contact whether they wanted it or not. Mason fell asleep with Julia’s head on his shoulder. She thought his arm would feel numb in a few hours but preferred not to disturb him; morning was near, and lying on his shoulder felt so safe and normal.

Mason really was – perfect. Not for a moment had he left her alone, so to speak. He’d been in no hurry, even tantalizingly so, at times, but that was so sweet. He’d been talking to her, he cared about how she was feeling and what she liked or disliked, and – okay, if Julia had not been in love with Mason already, she would have fallen for him head over heels this night.

She also thought that whatever term one could pick, and whatever Mason felt for her, what they had been doing this night was making love – nothing less.

Julia felt tears come to her eyes. She couldn’t help it.

Mason stirred. Then he opened his eyes, took out his arm from under her body and turned to her. Gently, he caressed her cheek.

“You happy?” he asked. “I am.”

And the smile he gave her at this was the best of all – that warm glow in his eyes.


/Olga Lisenkova/

Oh - and by the way, it'll be entitled 'After All...' Do you know the song?
Well, it's not the end yet: To Be Continued...


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